Divergent

Hey kids.  Did you like The Hunger Games but felt it needed less action, fewer love triangles, more religion, more sexism, more inception, and 100 more pages of un-realized plot potential?  Then you’re going to love Divergent!

 Come to a school where children are sorted into five houses – er, factions – based on their single defining character trait… in a ritual that’s sure to create an AIDS epidemic sooner or later.  Learn house faction names that only a Latin professor will understand.  Like Abnegation, the faction of walking doormats that somehow obtained power.  Or Ravenclaw, sorry, Erudite, the faction of arrogant atheists “intellectuals.”  And let’s not forget Dauntless, the faction that’s torn between heroes and sociopaths.  Oh yeah, and the Hufflepuff factions.  You can ignore those…

But in the extremely rare event that a person has more than one major characteristic, they’re (title drop) Divergent!  A word which here means “too cool for school.”  Their complicated two-characteristic personalities grant them the magical ability to control the matrixeption virtual worlds, which are conveniently used in the sorting ceremony AND their everyday training. 

Come join Danger Prone Beatrice as she shortens her name to Triss to try and sound cool, proves herself brave enough to fight but not skilled enough to fight well, and reinforces gender stereotypes by:

-Buying a dress as soon as possible

-Getting repeatedly overpowered by boys

-Turning down the sensitive non-action dude

-Falling for the emotionally-repressed older dude… who just so happens to be the best fighter.

-Shrugging off domestic violence, ‘cause he’s totally hot.

-Playing the breaks in the relationship.

-Getting sexually assaulted.

-Getting saved by Hunky McHunkersmith… repeatedly.

-And returning the favor by providing him with emotional support… and boobs.

Also join Hunky McHunkersmith, codenamed Numbah Four.  Which is totally stupid.  I mean come on, we all know the only number cool enough to be used as a name is Zero, and that’s only because Holes did it.  But more importantly, join Hunky’s four hunky fears.  Meet his daddy issues; issues so traumatizing they’ve left him dead inside… yet still not a sociopath like the rest of his faction.  Meet his claustrophobia; which is never relevant to the plot.  Meet his fear of heights; which aren’t quite bad enough to keep him from saving the damsel from her own physical ineptitude.  And meet his fear of killing an innocent person; who obviously has to be female.

And let’s not forget Triss’s doormat family.  There’s her older brother, Klauss – I mean Caleb – who loves reading so much he’s stuffed books into every corner of his room… without his parents finding out.  Also meet Dad, who’s such a terrible parent that he never comes to visit just because his children have chosen the wrong careers.  And then meet Mom, the superior nurturing parent… who just so happens to have been born in Dauntless so she can wield a gun later.  Because clearly a female doormat knowing how to use a gun requires much more explanation than all the male doormats who know how to use a gun.

So come read a tale full of interesting pieces.  Like the impoverished factionless, lies of external threats, and mind-control technology.  All of which promise an action-packed plot full of twists and turns... only to take a back seat to OMG BOYS!  So that even after four-hundred and eighty-seven pages, all you’re left with is a cliff-hanger and a teaser for the sequel!