Why aren’t kids allowed to watch the pirate movie?Because it’s rated Arrrrrr
What’s the difference between a bad pirate and a bad skydiver?A bad skydiver forgets his parachute, while a bad pirate forgets his parakeet
Why don’t people ever stop being pirates?Because once you’re in, you’re hooked
Why don’t you ever see pirates crying?Because they prefer private tears (privateers)
What did the pirate call Gaea when he found out she’d been cheating on him?
A land ho
A land ho
What do pirates call fat people who don’t sail?Landblubbers
What happened to Captain Bluebeard when he fell into the Red Sea?He got marooned
Why couldn’t the pirate sue the navy for his injuries?Because he didn’t have a leg to stand on
What did the pirate do to the path that led up to his patio?He planked the walk
What kind of women to pirates prefer?
When the clown turned pirate, what was his new name?The Jolly Roger
Where did Alpha Centauri board the pirate ship?On the starboard side
Where do cyber-pirates plug in their gadgets?On the port side
Why did the captain send everyone to the back of the ship?Because he was being stern
What standard equipment do all cyber pirates wear?The Apple i-Patch
What was Michael Jackson’s punishment for attempted mutiny?He moonwalked the plank
What did the captain do when he found out the deck had been cleaned using muddy water?He decked the swab
Did you know that 3.14% of people are Pi-rates?
What did the pirate say when he got his peg leg stuck in the freezer?Shiver me timbers
What is the most common letter in the pirate alphabet?C, there’s seven of them (I bet you were expecting Arrrrrr)
What do you call a pirate who’s on fire?A pyre-ate
What did the pirate ship and the pilot from Holland have in common?They were both flying Dutchmen
How did the pirate lose his leg?Termites
How do pirates calculate the force provided by a spring?They use Captain Hooke’s law
What do you call treasure hidden in a pirate’s shoe?Boot loot
So a pirate walks into a bar, and he's got a steering wheel down his pants. Now the bartender looks at him, and says, "Oh my, isn't that uncomfortable." The pirate replies, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts!"