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Sunday, July 14, 2013

Things Zaq and Co. are no Longer Allowed to do in an RPG: 491-540

Turns out the last 50 was actually 40, so we're out of step.  Oh well...

491: Not allowed to tame the succubi
492: Not allowed to compensate for tamed succubi by gender-swapping and/or sexual-preference-swapping all foes the party encounters.
493: Not allowed to make a projective plane dungeon
494: Not allowed to put snakes on the projective plane.
495: “Captured Alive,” does not mean “Resurrected by the Local Priest.”
496: Not allowed to take traits from other systems
497: If I shoot for the face, I am not allowed to specify non-lethal damage.
498: Not allowed to get campaign inspiration from Hentai
499: The spy industry is not a subsidiary of the clothing industry.
500: Not allowed to disguise my succubus as a fellow party member in order to troll another party member
501: I do not have Weapon Proficiency: Sex Appeal.
502: Not allowed to name the spy “Secret Asian Man.”
503: Nor “Double O Kevin”
504: Not allowed to play a party of foreigners leading covert military operations during the red scare.
505: ‘Secret Asian Man’ is not allowed to talk in a southern drawl
506: Not allowed to name my squad after cuts of meat.
507: Not allowed to name my squad after types of drinks
508: Not allowed to make a character a mute just because I don’t feel like doing yet another voice
509: I should not need to ask whether the military is tasked with protecting the citizens
510: Not allowed to play a Jamaican lawyer
511: When the GM informs us that our characters will die easily, we are not allowed to line them with explosives.
512: We should not send the mute on a solo reconnaissance mission.
513: Not allowed to give my ally a blow job in the middle of combat
514: Blow jobs do not grant morale bonuses
515: Blow jobs are not a lethal weapon
516: No matter what feats he may achieve, Rudolph Hitler will never be known as an American hero.
517: Not allowed to hide behind glass
518: The plant apocalypse does not count as a win
519: Not allowed to disemvowel someone (this is not a typo)
520: The DM is not an appropriate final boss
521: ‘Swarm of pixies” is not a viable character
522: Not allowed to spend my experience points on hookers.
523: Not allowed to spend my experience points to counter my ally’s experience purchases
524: Not allowed to devolve the game into Space Pimps: The RPG… again
525: Not allowed to fill someone’s hotel room to the brim with lobster shells
526: Not allowed to say “Onii Chan,” in character.
527: Not allowed to say “Onii Chan,” out of character.
528: My name is not “Snowflake Apparently.”
529: Nor is it just “Snowflake,” apparently.
530: Not allowed to download another PC’s consciousness into my personal computer
531: My character’s name does not end with “Version 4.0”
532: Not allowed to parry a wave of acid, even if the rules allow it.
533: Not allowed to fight the acid monster with lye.
534: My sword does not have a setting for stun.
535: Not allowed to unintentionally invite another PC to a threesome
536: Humming a spy movie theme song does not improve my stealth check
537: Inventing an alien species that looks and acts exactly like a housecat does not make my campaign setting feel more exotic.
538: Not allowed to hack the holodecks
539: A cruiser is not the same thing as a cruise ship.
540: Not allowed to let the other players name my character

1 comment:

  1. Lost it at: Not allowed to tame the succubi