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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Things Zaq and Co. are no Longer Allowed to do in an RPG: 451-490

Hey guys.  I fell a little ill this weekend, so here's some filler.

451: Not allowed to railroad the DM
452: If I find a Gygax module uninteresting, making it interesting should not involve making it harder
453: 22 Orcs is an inappropriate response to powergaming
454: “Tender Loin” is not an appropriate name for my loincloth-wearing barbarian.
455: Monsters do not regularly line their pockets with mousetraps

456: Not allowed to strip the students
457: Not allowed to turn the students into frogs
458: There is no standard punishment for streaking
459: Not allowed to wear a curtain toga
460: Not allowed to include tentacles of doom
461: Not allowed to include mind rape
462: Not allowed to include mind raping tentacles of doom
463: There is no such attack as “Ray of Inopportune Clothing Damage.”
464: Not allowed to change any PC’s sex
465: Not allowed to include the story of our last campaign as a cursed tome
466: The Twilight books do not exist in any setting
467: Not allowed to cast Secret Page on a cursed tome
468: Sailor Bubba is not a viable character type, even for an NPC
469: Nor is Sailor Hubba.
470: No strength check is high enough to break the fourth wall
471: Not allowed to use my other character’s track record to threaten the dragon
472: Not allowed to teabag the party with a dragon
473: Not allowed to make a called shot to displace the displacer beast’s balls
474: Not allowed to propose a rules patch that produces more loopholes than it solves
475: Not allowed to forge my own nation
476: Crit failing a stealth check should not cause an avalanche
477: Not allowed to summon a legion of undead miners to fill my coffers
478: Not allowed to employ a build that ignores my character’s stats
479: I do not have Dragon Insurance
480: There are no medieval vending machines
481: Not allowed to mandate all students to undergo death and resurrection
482: Not allowed to steal all the girls’ clothes
483: Not allowed to hang another character’s lube-covered underwear from the flagpole
484: Not allowed to build a dungeon inspired by Scribblenauts
485: Not allowed to build a dungeon immediately after watching Saw
486: Turning the dragon into explosives is not an ally-friendly tactic
487: Game Night does not mean “Play as many games at one time as you possibly can.”
488: The dungeon was not made in Japan
489: It is too soon to name the skeleton “Billy Mayes.”
490: There is no such thing as a save versus boner

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