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Sunday, June 12, 2011

Things Zaq and Co. May No Longer Do in an RPG: 101-150


101.        Bardic Knowledge is not the solution to every problem
102.        Not allowed to own a hat of disguise
103.        Not allowed to index my common disguises using the numbers pi, 1337, and aleph-naught
104.        Not allowed to steal an NPC’s identity
105.        Not allowed to steal a PC’s identity
106.        Not allowed to initiate mayhem “for the lolz.”
107.        Not allowed to build a wizard with a higher AC than the paladin.
108.        When my character is a fighter who multiclasses into wizard, I am not allowed to name him “Fighter McWizard.”
109.        Nor should I name him “Sir Marksalot.”
110.        When the party kills my evil cleric, startling them with the sudden arrival of said cleric’s identical twin brother is a recipe for disaster.
111.        Shapeshifting into a “cuddly bear” is not the best way to calm the frantic NPC.
112.        The drunken warlord may not purchase a cask of infinite holding
113.        Not allowed to turn my paladin into an evasive DPR machine
114.        Especially not when this leaves the bard as the primary tank
115.        Not allowed to function as the primary tank by use of an intelligent bag of tricks.
116.        Not allowed to own an intelligent bag of tricks
117.        Not allowed to be an intelligent bag of tricks
118.        Especially not with a modified version of the Druid Class
119.        I do not have the power “Item Shape.”
120.        Just because all the enemies miss me, does not mean I can sing “Can’t Touch This.”
121.        We must never again give the chaotic gnome sorceress a rod of wonder
122.        Especially when said rod seems rigged to produce a disproportionate number of fireballs
123.        Not allowed to explain “the birds and the bees” in-character.
124.        Not allowed to repeatedly chloroform fellow party members
125.        Not allowed to give my paladin the infernal pact
126.        Not allowed to build a masochistic paladin
127.        Not allowed to build a hippy paladin
128.        Not allowed to build a masochistic hippy paladin
129.        Not allowed to pick a fight with a hot tub
130.        Not allowed to build my dungeons immediately after playing a Zelda game.
131.        When my entire dungeon contains a whopping two monsters, it is a sign that I am using too many traps, hazards, and puzzles.
132.        Not allowed to include a Loli vampire as an NPCs.
133.        Not allowed to offer said vampire a job at my “respectable gentleman’s club.”
134.        No more paladins… ever
135.        Not allowed to base my World of Darkness character off of Scooby Doo
136.        Not allowed to specialize in thinly veiled threats.
137.        Nor in thickly veiled threats.
138.        When I fail a knowledge check, I am not allowed to make a bluff check to invent the knowledge.
139.        The politician’s approval rating is not simply the percentage of successful bluff checks he has made throughout his career.
140.        Breakdancing is not a viable combat strategy
141.        When I see an “N” on the map, I am to recognize that it is helping to label the current location, and does not represent a giant monster that bars our way.
142.        Not allowed to create a pokemon trainer out of genera
143.        Not allowed to try selling invisible books.
144.        Not allowed to create dungeons after playing several hours of Castlevania
145.        Not allowed to induce diarrhea as a diversionary tactic
146.        Not allowed to accidentally turn an NPC into a mage
147.        I should not pit enemies with hardness against a party who just lost their heavy hitters
148.        Not allowed to heal allies by shooting them with my shortbow
149.        My familiar may not possess any of the following items: Cane, Suit, Top Hat, Monocle, Legal Documents, Cockney Accent, Power of Attorney
150.        The half-celestial template is hereby banned


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